I've struggled lately - nothing dramatic, I think I'm just a tired mum. And it doesn't take long for exhaustion and solo parenting to hit me in the mood centre - and it all gets a bit hazy, incrementally more difficult to dig myself out.
But it's not dramatic. It's not relapse. It's not capital R "Risk". And there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for that.
I know that if I hold the course as best I can, continue doing the small things each day that anchor my wellbeing (however trivial they might seem), and avoid creating any new problems, this will pass. I'll be relieved. That's all.
However urgently it might feel that I need to act, to fix this, there is in fact very little I need to do. Just hold.
But with that said, the tiredness recently has really knocked the serenity out of me. It's not that I disagree, I've just felt too weary to care much. The problem is that that also means I've been too tired to keep up some good habits that require energy - most importantly connecting with others. All my energy has just gone into looking after my son. But that is still such a special reward for me, it still brings me so much joy being with him. And I have to trust that people who are close to me understand that I'm trying my best. I can't worry on their behalf – I did that for years and it really didn't help anybody.
Anyway I've not felt up to posting on here for a LONG time (felt like taking the blog down many times 😂 but it seemed like giving up somehow) and the only thing that got me writing this post was that I just did a gorgeous meditation and felt motivated to share it on here. So I'll post it below. So maybe bit by bit gently does it. Self compassion has to be the key. Well, I think so.
Permission to be: Seven minute self-acceptance ritual
Comments