It would be sick to call us the lucky ones. But to have seen what we've seen and been where we've been, we are the most grateful motherfuckers you will ever meet. And the sun shines brighter for us. The possiblities in the world mean more because it is such a Goddamn miracle that we are here.
And recovering addicts are the strongest people I know. Not recovered addicts - those who are still in the battleground, still falling down and getting back up, still trying and trying and trying again. The strongest people I know. Because that is the hardest battle there is.
When I was relapsing and relapsing and couldn't get time up, and things just kept getting worse and worse, my life was just in tatters and I was a mess. But even so, and I think about that girl now, I know that she was the strongest part of me. Because it was her courage in getting up again and again and again, even when things were so fucking dark and everything felt like hell, that got me here. That sad and lonely girl did her best every day - and when she fell down, she got up again. She's the reason I'm here today.
So when I hear people condemn their using selves or talk about how changed they are, how much stronger they are today, I really do struggle to understand. If I can't honor that girl that I was, how can I understand anyone going through that journey now? My life now is nothing compared to what I had to go through then. That fight at that time was the real battle. And it's listening to you guys that keeps me grounded today.
Don't write yourself off because you're in the dark. This is the only part that matters. Back yourself now and don't stop backing yourself. Because tomorrow the sun will shine brighter for you.
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